A Letter to the Hospice Caregiver

Dear Hospice Caregiver,

                Being a caregiver is HARD. You love it. You do it. But it is HARD. We know that the days are difficult right now. There are good days and bad. There are crazy days and slow ones. Since the diagnosis was given, you have made sure that things were taken care of. You’ve made sure that care was provided, and you’ve put your life on hold to make sure that you can be there in the times you’re needed. You make sure that family gets their time, errands are run, the household is taken care of and your family’s needs are met. You’re tired. And some days you’re not sure how to do it, but you push through one more day to get to the next.

                Your family begs you to take a break. Step away. Whether just to grab coffee, or to take a quick shower. But you refuse because you don’t want to chance that being the last few minutes. You want to make sure you are there. Always there by the side of your loved one.

                You question the decisions you make and temporary resentment is quickly replaced with guilt. “Am I doing the right thing?” “Is this what she would have wanted?” “Would he make the same choices?” Second guessing yourself has become a habit with every decision that has to be made. You feel like you should know more, or do more but you are one person only capable of so much. You cannot predict the future. You cannot know what may or may not work and you are always crossing your fingers as you spin the wheel of chance.

                We want you to know that we see you. We feel for you and with you. We pray for you. And you are not alone. You do not have to carry the weight alone. You do not have to make the decisions alone. And you do not have to grieve alone.

                 Remind yourself that there is very rarely a clear black and white, right or wrong answer. Remind yourself that you are doing the very best you can with the knowledge and information you’ve been equipped with. You can release yourself from the guilt and the weight of the thoughts or feelings you’ve had. Remind yourself that no amount of thinking or obsessing about things that have happened in the past will change the present or future outcome of the days, weeks or months ahead.

                You may struggle but you will persevere. Accept help when it is offered. Take time by yourself when you need it. Surround yourself with people who understand where you are and what you are dealing with. Being a caregiver is where you are. And you’ll wake up and do it every day until you are no longer needed to do it.

                We see you. And we are with you.